Black Friday

Volume One Black Friday

Today is the 23rd of November 2 days prior to ‘Black Friday.” The one day a year that men and women all over America forsake sleep, their families, and any remaining dignity to stand in line for hours and enter what would on any other day be a retail establishment filled with college students and the dregs of society that manage them.

This is only the beginning; the line at Best Buy forms 48 hours to go. Zombie-fied douche bags descend upon every store to set up tents, hibachi grills, and pack it in for the long road ahead. They sit waiting for literally 2 days to find Televisions 400 dollars off suggested retail price, or to buy a gaming console for 35 dollars less than usual.

Thanksgiving Day (T-Minus 12 Hours) the hordes increasing hourly in number have forgotten to give thanks in the commercialistic bullshit nightmare that this season has become. They sit like pit bulls (teeth shown) waiting to enter Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Big Jims Electronic Emporium or the like. I on the other hand am getting loopy shit faced drunk and eating entirely too much food. Looking down my nose at those who partake in the travesty that has become a Christmas gift that I am eager to open and embrace like a 3 year old with a new pillow pet.

The time is here, I know because those of us with a soul and limited budget head for the stores. My wife (charged with acquisition of a Leapster) heads to frontline otherwise known as the local Wal-Mart. She relays the following details; unraveling while I sleep off the beer and vodka.

DVD and Video Game Sale: The masses wall to wall could not open the boxes of wares until midnight. The bell tolls and the sale is on, 100 yards of grocery aisles filled to fire code erupt in flying boxes and pandemonium, the hordes scooping up whatever they can get their hands on in a flurry of selfishness and consumerism for sorting later. Understand that none of what they are groping and fighting for has any value to them until they are able to sort it; they are merely screwing everyone else with express purpose of “getting theirs.” This display of psychosis is repeated over and over country wide. Some do this to provide “Christmas” for their children, and others for the less noble purpose of leveraging the great deals they got on eBay, deals by the way that are intended for those who waited hours because of their strained financial situation to get the one thing their children wanted for Christmas.

Moral of the story? It is no wonder that Zombie movies and shows on the subject have become so popular. Culturally speaking we are no longer people; we have no yearning beyond that which is menial and base. TV’s, DVD’s, Etc., have taken over all of the senses that make people great, and nowhere is this terrifyingly more apparent than these United States. We will wait in line for 2 days to buy a television, so that we watch a Adam Richman travel the country eating great food, when we should be stepping out of our comfort zone and venture to a local eatery and experience life for ourselves. We are literally one genome away from becoming the starring cast of Night of the Living Dead.

Why did I choose this subject to start my ‘I hate you America” blog? Because “Black Friday” literally embodies all that makes our society ill, and sad. We are so lazy that we would rather be seated in a tent and wait for a great deal, than go work harder to acquire that which we desire. We have lost our ability to innovate, so we settle for mediocrity and supplicate ourselves to the world of Best Buy.

I am writing this blog as a journal and description of all things dreadful that I run across in my travels. I am going to make it my mission to jump in to my life with both feet and I will obstinately criticize those of you who do not; brace yourselves.

I Hate You America.